Wednesday, September 9, 2015
Lost cause, broken dreams
I've been having waves of difficult times this past 9 months.
There were many times when I just want to throw the towel and scream "I give up with this shit!" But I don't have the guts. And I know I haven't tried hard enough. It's been so tough - I cannot put in words how it can be like sometimes.
I get feedback saying I am positive and look at the bright side of things, but no one knows the break downs I have when I am alone and taking a shower. There are about 3 months to go till I reach the 2 year mark but I honestly cannot recall the number of times I have silently wept in agony, frustration and pain while all alone.
Just when I think I am starting to get the hang of one thing, something happens to prove me wrong. It can be extremely exhausting. A lot of times I feel mentally and physically drained. And a lot of times, I find myself questioning if this is something I can do long term. It seems like I have bitten more than I can chew. And I find myself asking - is this something for me? Am I just not cut out for this?
I can't help it but I am definitely losing faith in myself. That's not right, isn't it? What do I do?
There were many times when I just want to throw the towel and scream "I give up with this shit!" But I don't have the guts. And I know I haven't tried hard enough. It's been so tough - I cannot put in words how it can be like sometimes.
I get feedback saying I am positive and look at the bright side of things, but no one knows the break downs I have when I am alone and taking a shower. There are about 3 months to go till I reach the 2 year mark but I honestly cannot recall the number of times I have silently wept in agony, frustration and pain while all alone.
Just when I think I am starting to get the hang of one thing, something happens to prove me wrong. It can be extremely exhausting. A lot of times I feel mentally and physically drained. And a lot of times, I find myself questioning if this is something I can do long term. It seems like I have bitten more than I can chew. And I find myself asking - is this something for me? Am I just not cut out for this?
I can't help it but I am definitely losing faith in myself. That's not right, isn't it? What do I do?
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